Monday, 6 May 2013

May 6 Mental Health Awareness Month

Sometimes it takes a stranger to awaken dormant thoughts and remind us that we are not alone with our problems mental or physical. Online we have little problem discussing our various ills yet within our family and friends we say little. A recent acquaintance of mine Chris Dean has just received her diagnosis and as I was reading what she had to say I remembered how I had felt when I received mine. It was nice to have a name to give something I had lived with my whole life but it also upset me that there was an actual name for what I had.

I spent a good part of the day trying to chase down where I wrote my reaction to the news that I had Dysthymia and I can't find it so I must assume it is in one of my written journals not one of the online ones. Since the beginning of this year I have not visited my other journals. However if you would like to see what it feels like to have Dysthymia and not know what it is you can read a few of the posts here

Todays photo prompt is broken. Because of the search I did not take a photo today however there are a couple of drawing I would like to share.
Depression gets in the way of life

Me in deep depression
It surrounds you and saps all of the colour from the world. Both of these are things I created several years before I got put on medication. The self you see in the second photo was the only self I had at that time. She had no energy, did not see the world beyond her own personal dungeon and didn't care that she didn't. She is too much of a coward to commit a quick suicide so she was, (and still is), killing herelf a pound at a time.

The medication can only take you so far, talk therapy should be my next step but I have tried to begin the process several times and it always ends the same, I stop fighting and just let the depression take over. I do not fight it, because I do not want to fight it. I do not want it gone, it is so much a part of me that I do not know what I would do without it. That I am able to recognize this and accept it as the way things should be may be a surprise to some of you but  I am not stupid just unwilling to fight.

No comments:

Post a Comment