I spent a good part of the day trying to chase down where I wrote my reaction to the news that I had Dysthymia and I can't find it so I must assume it is in one of my written journals not one of the online ones. Since the beginning of this year I have not visited my other journals. However if you would like to see what it feels like to have Dysthymia and not know what it is you can read a few of the posts here
Todays photo prompt is broken. Because of the search I did not take a photo today however there are a couple of drawing I would like to share.
Depression gets in the way of life
|Me in deep depression|
It surrounds you and saps all of the colour from the world. Both of these are things I created several years before I got put on medication. The self you see in the second photo was the only self I had at that time. She had no energy, did not see the world beyond her own personal dungeon and didn't care that she didn't. She is too much of a coward to commit a quick suicide so she was, (and still is), killing herelf a pound at a time.
The medication can only take you so far, talk therapy should be my next step but I have tried to begin the process several times and it always ends the same, I stop fighting and just let the depression take over. I do not fight it, because I do not want to fight it. I do not want it gone, it is so much a part of me that I do not know what I would do without it. That I am able to recognize this and accept it as the way things should be may be a surprise to some of you but I am not stupid just unwilling to fight.