Two days from now I will enter my 54th year as I turn 53 I wonder what I want that year to look like. I have been going over all the regular stuff like losing a few pounds and getting more active socially but I am forced to wonder... after a decade of chasing these goals and not accomplishing them are they really what I want or are they just what I'm expected to focus on?
One thing is certain I don't want a repeat of this past year. Oh some of it was OK , good even but it feels like a FAIL for many things. I had hoped to have the my poetry book ready if not already circulating by now. I had hoped to have a bit of a social life by now, I've been here a year surely that is enough time. I had hoped to have completed or nearly completed a 365 day photo portfolio. I had hoped to be well on my way to 52 dolls and so many other things.
I have accomplished a few things, I have more than enough poems to make the chapbook, I just need to set myself down and get the design done. I have made a lot of dolls though mainly just knitted ones. I have taken a lot of photos and while it might be 365 they were not taken one a day but often a dozen a day. The social life thing just never worked out, it is /was a bit hard to get out and make friends as most nights I'm helping with my grandsons.
Am I eating healthier and exercising more... kinda...sorta...when I can I do. I am more active physically than I was but still have a ways to go to get to the level the doctor and dietician want me doing. And I have to admit sometimes my food choices are less than stellar.
So what do I want the next 12 months to look like:
1) I would like to attend the Knittery and Storyteller meetings at the library, meet a couple of women who share my interests and form a friendship with them.
2) I would like to lose fifty two pounds or more because of a YMCA membership and more regular work-out routine
3) I would like to eat cleaner and make healthier snack choices, not give up ice cream and chips completely but make them into a more monthly treat and less of a weekly one, actually I do that now perhaps cut them back to once every six or eight weeks.
4) I would like to stop dithering and get the chapbook put together and do an initial distribution
5) I would like to complete the first draft of Woulf and of Cassandra or at least one of them
6) I would like to complete a knitting sampler quilt in wool and in cotton
7) I would love to complete the seasonal fashion doll display and maybe the elemental one as well
8) I want to knit some toys for the toy drive this year
9) I would like to do a poetry slam
10) I would like to really get to know my camera
Ten things as they popped into my head as I look at them I realize they have a lot to do with giving free rein to my creative side. While that is a lovely fantasy I can't really see it happening.
Why/ Why not? Mainly because I see myself doing a lot of stuff I don't want to do or stuff that takes up a lot of time like baby-sitting. Getting evenings to myself is nearly impossible or at least that's the way I feel. There are dozens of other things I would like to do like going on a retreat or learning storytelling or attending an art course or two down in Trenton.
OK so this is not going the way I thought it would... what do I want my 54th year to look like?
- I want it to be the year when I wind up some of the small projects that have been hanging round my mind for a decade or more.
- I want it to be the year when I finally make real progress on my weight loss goals.
- I want it to be the year when I start doing a bit of travelling.
- I want it to be the year when I make enough progress against my mental demons that I am able to function like a normal human being even if it is only for a couple of months a year.
- I want it to be the year when I finally start to get my life back.
- I want it to be the year when I find a couple of peers I can spend time with as friends.
- I want it to be the year when I use what skills I have to help others like knitting for charity or telling stories to sick kids.
- I want it to be the year when I complete a 52 week project or three.
- I want it to be the year when I downsized my stuff to 250 items all together or 25 items in each category from clothing; craft supplies; ornaments; Christmas stuff; office supples; linens; paper books.
- I want it to be the year when I read at least 52 books
- I want it to be the year when I completed 12 online courses.
- I want it to be the year when I cleaned myself every other day and my room every week.
- I want it to be the year when I consitently cooked healthy foods every day and cleaned the bathroom once a month.
- I want it to be the year when I went to bed at the same time every night and got up at the same time every morning.
- I want it to be the year when I took my medication and vitamins daily as perscribed never over or under dosing myself ever again
So many wants but the ones I need ... Not so many ...